Meet CJ
I am a survivor of PTSD, C-PTSD, Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS) , depression, suicidal ideations and attempts. I am not a medical or mental health professional. In Mar 2021, I created this website and a YouTube channel as a way to share what I have learned during a challenging and rewarding mental health journey.
I am a 62 yr old successful IT professional that loves the work I do and the company I work for. I am happily married to my wife of 32 yrs and we share our lives with our pets in a suburb of Seattle. Life was fulfilling and great in so many ways until an accident occurred in 2015 and I began suffering chronic medical issues that were first diagnosed as chronic Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS) and then later thankfully PTSD. Why you say am I thankful it was PTSD? PTSD is treatable! PCS symptoms are largely untreatable. You have to learn to cope with them.
After the accident, I had chronic all-day, every day headaches, dizziness, vertigo, fatigue, depression, nausea, unexplained irritability, sleep issues, ear ringing, and the inability to handle stimulating environments like grocery stores and parks. I also had to give up driving and was only able to handle the job I loved for a few hours each day.
I started mental health therapy for PTSD in Nov 2017 with EMDR (Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as the primary method. It was utilized to work through the accident trauma first. Now we continue to work through childhood traumas and other trauma events that have been stuffed deep inside of me for many years. Many other methods have been utilized in this journey and I will discuss these in my sharing videos.
I am now able to go shopping and drive myself there, enjoy my work pain and symptom free; have very few headaches or other issues I suffered with after the accident. I have learned what emotions feel like and how to experience them more fully now. I am still working with my therapist to further process childhood traumas and enhance the overall quality and experiencing of my life. I am so thankful that a gracious stranger in Sept 2017 recommended I seek a trauma therapist for help. Not only have my PCS symptoms become mostly resolved, I am now feeling emotions unlike any other time in my life.
An accident changed my life and a mental health journey taught me so much! I share this journey to help others understand the importance of processing emotions and listening to your body to avoid a total eruption of mental and physical symptoms all at once.
Topics Discussed
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Depression
The hidden pain within that deprives us of being ourselves. It affects everything about how we feel, how we think and how we function.
Throughout my videos, I will share what depression feels like for me in different phases of my journey and discuss the use of medication(s) to help with depression. I will also discuss my experiences when I learned I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder - recurrent.
Personal Safety Plan
When you start to have thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself in any way, it is a very dark, lonely place to be. The hopelessness, helplessness and pain being suffered may seem like someone or something else
has taken over and you have no control and all you want to do is end it all. BUT I am here to tell you, that with a Plan you will know how to take back some control which will help you come out of the extreme darkness and keep yourself safe on that day. Having a Plan in place, provides confidence and hope that you will know what to do when darkness creeps in. Please see the video and
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is often utilized to describe the symptoms after a traumatic event, but not everyone with symptoms from a trauma will be diagnosed with PTSD (I was). Regardless, triggers can create intense emotions, flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, avoidance behaviors and physical issues.
When I was asked to share the accident, I typically defined it with just the 'facts'. It was not until I shared the thoughts and emotions I had during the accident, that I realized I experienced a traumatic event.
Suicidal Thoughts
I have unfortunately had suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. These times and events are very hard to understand as I always felt as though I was kind of split as someone who loved life, and then another someone who wanted to leave life. These type of thoughts are incredibly frightening but I have learned that they typically come from triggered emotions that were buried deep within and not within my memory, thus why I felt out of control and like someone else was taking over. <---- The Personal Safety Plan has changed my thoughts and saved my life over and over.
Please seek immediate help at 800 273-8255, or text Hello to 741741 if you have thoughts right now.
Post-concussion syndrome (PCS)
Chronic, ongoing symptoms after a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that don't resolve are diagnosed as PCS. From medical doctors, I was diagnosed with PCS and basically learned that management of the symptoms required a significant change to my life and was very disruptive. I had to avoid stimulating activity or environments as well as avoid stressful situations like work. There are opinions that PCS may be a symptom of PTSD and I am a believer in this theory as mental health PTSD therapy has mostly resolved PCS symptoms.
If you have PCS, please subscribe to my videos on YouTube. I wish I would have learned about PTSD so much sooner.
C-PTSD / Childhood traumas
I have learned that most of us suffer from some level of emotional and/or physical abuse from our childhood. In my childhood, I learned to bury my emotions and not until the PTSD event, and the PTSD therapy, did I recall many traumatic events and learn to experience emotions fully for the first time. Many of the video sharing will discuss C-PTSD symptoms and issues.
See all videos on YouTube
Feature videos: